Hobo!Phoenix

On Working

So, there's a thought that keeps occurring to me at work. I got this job at a local pizza joint to pay for my last semester at university and it's a pretty cool job, as these things go. You know, the pay isn't awesome, but I get free food and my co-workers are lovely, all of them. We hug and joke and share candy and sometimes one of the guys drives me home when things get late.

But here's the thing: most of these guys work at that place for... for ever. I mean, that's their proper job, the thing they will do, probably, more or less, for the rest of their lives. Obviously they earn more because a) their hourly wages are higher and b) they work more hours than I do, so I guess they can pay the rent and live of it and everything, but still. We do the same things, the same tasks, but to me it's just a small step before I get a real job, something that pays well and that I will find fulfilling (hopefully).

I'm not saying it's a bad job to have (it's honest work and with the economy being what it is we have to be glad for the jobs we have). No. what I've been wondering is this: is there a gap between us? A gap made of education and graduation and the fact that finishing high school and university usually means a higher income, or at least the striving for it? A gap made of the way society views jobs that are earned by working with your hands and jobs that consist of using your words and sitting in front of computers?

I had this conversation with a co-worker the other day:
"...yeah, you'll have to learn this, too, if you wanna be a shift supervisor."
"I'm not gonna be here this long."
"No?"
"No. It's just for a few months, until I graduate and find a job."
And it felt a bit awkward, because this was his job, his work.

Now, I want to make it clear that I'm not looking down on anyone here. Like I said, my co-workers are great and I love working with them. I can only hope to find people like them wherever I might end up in the future; my mother said that it might not be this way, because people loose that casual, friendly attitude when it's about competition and promotion. Is that true, do you think?
Pokémon - Hawkai

On Fear.

There aren't many things I'm afraid of. Like, I decidedly dislike needles being poked into me. But I don't mind small or high places, I love high speed vehicles, I climb stuff, especially if it's not meant for that, I walk dark streets on my own, I enjoy unlit hallways and stair cases, I find huge spiders simply amazing and weird noises at night all have some logical explanation, whatever it may be.

But I think it's not that I'm completely fearless, I just like to overcome fear. Oftentimes, when I find something I'm a bit scared of something in my head instantly compells me to go do it anyway, because being afraid is just silly. As for things I can't do or check out, rational thought usually kicks in within seconds to inform me that everything's fine.


This piece of self-reflection has been brought to you - belatedly - by Pottermore's decision to sort me into Gryffindor. I always thought of myself as a Hufflepuff, but you know... I tend to be rather lazy. And I can be more than a little arrogant at times. So, yeah. Gryffindor is horribly mainstream and stuff, but that damn seven-useless-questions-hat might not have been so very wrong.
Pokémon - Hawkai

I'm a sledge hammer.

I realize a lot of people are extremely self conscious about their bodies, mostly because our society seems to be obsessed with the idea that being even a little overweight is a catastrophe of nuclear proportions. I can see where that might put pressure on people, because "looking pretty" (and a very specific kind) is made out to be very important (and being a cosplayer really doesn't help).

But god, it means you have to tip toe around the issue because people's ego's are so fragile or something. Yes, I'm lucky to have a body that keeps its ideal weight by itself without any work in my part, but I will not feel guilty about that simply because other people have been less lucky. I don't feel bad for having a roof over my head and food on my table either, even though that, too, might be called "lucky".

I can't change the way beauty is perceived, but I still wish people would get over it. I guess that's pretty insensitive, bordering tactless, but there it is.
To be fair, I also have friends who, despite being overweight, have no problems with the issue at all. And there are those who (by means of hard work) lost weight and are feeling better about it now (both in terms of feeling fit and healthy as well as their looks), which I think is great.
I wish people could keep a sense of humors where their bodies are concerned. It's not like I tease anyone about their looks (seriously, I don't), but... basically, I never know what will offend someone before I do it, because weight was never an issue for me or most of my close friends and family. My mom's always been just a little overweight, trying a diet every now and then, but she was good natured about it, making jokes and whatnot. I kind of expect that attitude from people and am taken aback when they're all serious about things.

So you're not thin. Whatever. Either do something about it or not, but don't let it drag you down and: don't make me feel bad about it. Thank you.

I'm a heartless bastard sometimes, or so I've been told. *sigh* Grow up.
Advanced Self-Pity

Sorry 'bout that

I know a lot of people who rant about their life here on LJ, or on twitter and tumblr, or whatever. I guess in a way I do that, too. There's whining and complaining of different degrees, some just angry or frustrated, some sad and desperate.

I never respond to any of them.

Please don't think i don't care about you, but when there's nothing I can do to help with your situation (except for telling you to bear with it because it will get better eventually) I see no point in saying anything.

I once had a friend who went on and on about being depressed and everything sucking for her and what not. I spent hours trying to build of her confidence and everything, until I slowly realized that all she really wanted was attention.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that everyone is like that. But that basically burned me out for any future conversations of the kind.
I don't think I'm very good at it either. There's probably not to much variation in me between "uhuh, is that so" and "all of the feelings and emotions".

So, please know that I care, and if I can help you I will. If you think that there's something I can do to actually do something about your misery (except for talking, I suck at that), tell me. I'm your friend, I do want to help you, and it bothers the hell out of me that most of the time I just can't.

I'm an optimist: I believe that eventually, if one tries hard enough and thinks positively, things will work out and get better. The point in being an optimist is to retain that belief even when things get rough and you don't see how something is supposed to improve. But your attitude is important: BELIEVE you can do it, and you can.


TL;DR: Sorry if I seem like I don't care, I really do.
Hobo!Phoenix

This is the life~ (or something)

Why must some things be so hard? Especially getting started.

I do believe that once I actually start something and get going, I can manage and I won't fail. But the beginning is so very hard and it's not getting easier from being put of.

The thing is, pretty much every time I tried something, I actually succeeded. I mean, not every time, but when it counted. I lose points for laziness, but usually not for skill. I can do stuff. Once I'm motivated I can be incredibly productive.

However: when I'm not motivated, I'm very, very easily distracted. It's one of my major weaknesses that I'm aware of. Paired with an insane ability to repress things I don't want to think about, it's like a monster inside of me that drags me down. I'm fighting it every day and count every victory, even the small ones.

Everything is gonna be fine. <= that's something I actually believe.
When you do good, it's gonna come back to you one way or another. <= it's like karma.

<3
Advanced Self-Pity

Unfair

Apparently there's things you just cannot say, even though they're true. Even among friends, and even thought it's stupid.

It's not meant to be mean.
What it means is, it's unfair, and I can't change it, but you can.
But you won't, and society has your back.

Of course, that's because I never had that problem. So I don't get to criticize people who do.

I'm sorry. Part of me really feels that way. Part of me is a mean asshole. I don't mean it. I just like to say the truth sometimes.

This is not a discussion.
This is intentionally cryptic.
This is my journal.
Pokémon - Hawkai

A New Morning (by saikai)

I saw this on pixiv (HERE) and since most of it was easy to understand I translated it. It's not 100% accurate, but I think it retains the spirit of the original.
When there was text on the black bars I deleted it and wrote over it, however I didn't edit out the text on the actual images; in those cases I used the (usually empty) black bars for the translation anyway.

It's a "what if" that could have happened after the Black/White editions of Pokémon. N returns to Touya. =)

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Writing

Fic (Ace Attorney/YGO 5D's): The Beauty in Suffering

Title: The Beauty in Suffering
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Kristoph/Apollo, Divine/Apollo
Disclaimer: I don't own Ace Attorney Yu-Gi-Oh! 5D's.
Warnings: BDSM, 3some hints
Summary: In which Apollo acquires a number of skills and Kristoph entertains a guest.
Note: This one's for karnimolly, MERRY CHRISTMAS! *hugs you all over* Sooo, this one has Kristoph and Divine and poor lil' Polly in the same room at the same time, which was harder than it should be. ^^;; But: lovely. Truly lovely. Next time Kristoph should do the tattoo thing~
I should probably also mention that this follows His Word is Law and Obedience.

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Writing

Fanfic (YGO): A Dream of Dragons

Title: A Dream of Dragons
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: 3xBEWD/Seto
Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh!, obviously.
Warnings: Beastiality. Seriously. Wow. This should not be a surprise to anyone.
Summary: Seto loves his dragons more than anything in the world. And they love him back.
Note: MERRY CHRISTMAS, pandir! *hugs* I know I didn't ask you what you wanted for Christmas, so I can only hope you'll like this. It's like a fairy tail with porn where there might possibly be card games.

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Books

On the topic of vampires...

I'm quite picky when it comes to vampires in books.

And that's not even talking about one of the most recent abominations in that department, the famous sparkling Vanmpires in SMeyer's Twilight novels, or the many teenage stories in book form that pass for novels featuring blood suckers of different varieties.

I don't like Anne Rice's vampires. I read two of her books (Interview and Lestat) and didn't like either of them. They're boring, philosophical bordering on the ridiculous and also pretty depressing. Not to mention the fact that nothing much is going on in these vamps' nether regions, unless they consciously pump some blood southward. How very exciting.

It's one of the things that also bothered me about Vampires: Dark Ages. You might argue that it's a role playing system and the details of a character's sex life hardly influences the game, and you're right. But I like to make up stories about my characters, and if the system limits me to an uncomfortable extend in that respect, that just sucks.

Jesus, this sounds like everything is about sex for me. It really isn't. It's just something I noticed authors/creators approach very differently, and when one likes to make up slashy yaoi stories about one's characters it does matter.

Oddly enough, the vampire concept I like best to this day is the one introduced in the Anita Blake novels, and those aren't exactly great literature. The books also have a fascinating idea for lycanthropes that I find myself borrowing more often than not. I haven't found a better one so far.

In any case, I found I end up hating on people's favorite vampires, which feels weird, but I can't help it. ^^;;